What she always wanted to know
by Zwiebelbaguette
Summary: Rose askes some questions the Doctors doesn t actually want to answer
1. Chapter 1

What she always wanted to know

Chapter 1:

The first thing Rose did, after Mickey left, was that she took all his stuff and put it into a box, she hin in an empty cupboard. She did not want to be reminded of how she treated him. He knew, he had lost her and still kept giving her support.

To her, Mickey had already left her life, when the Doctor had died - an regenerated. Back then she had decided to stay at the Doctor´s side forever. Well, just her forever. She couldn´t stay for the rest of HIS life, but for the rest of hers.

"So", she said, smiling, as she sank down on a sofa in the library she discovered only a few days ago. The Doctor was already reading, sitting on a second sofa, facing hers. "D´you remember our little excursion to this school with the flying teachers and your tin dog?", she asked, a little nervous. She always wanted to ask him something, since this day. But when Mickey was around, it was inappropriate to mention it.

"Yeah, nasty beasts, this Krillitanes", was all, the Doctor answered, still concentrating in reading his book. Well, he wasn´t exactly concentrated. He looked up, every now and then, but was absent-minded, it seemed.

"Yeah", Rose agreed and swallowed hardly. Her throat seemed too dry to speak, but she had to know. "You said, you would not leave me behind, like you did with Sarah Jane. I would love to be able to believe that, but what is so special about me? Why am I worth to stay here while I´m aging, and why was Sarah Jane not worth it?"

For a moment, less than a second, she thought, she had seen fear flickering in his deep, brown eyes. But then it was gone. "I just forgot her. I had to leave her to go home to Gallifrey and then I met someone else. I had no time to think about her and when I remembered, it was such a long time, that I assumed, she would have continued her life back on earth", he answered and they both knew, he lied. But this time Rose wasn´t going to take it that easily.

"Doctor, please! You can´t just lie to me. Listen, I love travelling with you, and it´s allright to have your secrets. Probably it would kill me to know all the pain you suffered in the last 900 years. But when you say, you left her behind, just like that, and wouldn´t do the same to me, I have to know why."

The Doctor looked up again, stood up and walked towards her, staring at her. "I never thought about it", he seemed to admit, but Rose guessed, he was lying again. "I don´t want to. We only have a few years and I don´t want to think about having to let you go. I don´t want to loose you. Not today, not ever. And I just don´t want to think about the day, I have to see you leave or die. Can´t you understand it?"

Now he was directly in front of her, staring at her, only a few centimetres away, so he could feel the heat of her skin and she felt the cold coming from him, which made her shiver.

She knew, this conversation was about to change their relationship forever, for better or for worse.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"You are just different. You´re not like Sarah Jane", the Timelord continued and this time it was Rose who stared at him in confusion.

"In what way?", she asked and again she was´n´t really able to speak. "I´m blonde. Is that the reason? Or is it that I´m not remotely as educated as she is?" The young girl got a little angry. She was fed up with this. She had enough of guessing, what the Doctor had tried to say on that day, a few weeks ago, and what he tried to say now.

He also had said something else. Something about seeing someone wither and die, someone he… He what?! Liked? Knew? But why did he have to stop then? What was wrong about these words? Or was it some other word, he almost said? Was she someone he loved? Did he love her?

Oh, she would love him to love her, of course, but he was perfect and she wasn´t good enough. There was sometimes a glimpse of something between the both of them, something that could have led to some kind of loving relationship, but then it was gone again.

"No, it´s not … not like that", the Doctor said. Right now he felt a little helpless and again there was fear in his eyes. He feared, he was about to loose her, right here, right now.

"What is it, then?", Rose almost shouted, even though she felt sorry for this in the same second.

But the Doctor wasn´t going to say it. Not now. He just watched her, as if he was afraid, she would attack him and then he said: "You seem to be a little stressed out and tired and I could use some time to relax as well. What do you say? Do you want to go on a holiday with me? I always wanted to show you the planet of Barcelona."

"Sure", Rose said calm and disappointed. "Right after you told me, what´s so special about me." She wouldn´t give up so easily.

The skinny man in suit in front of her sighed and sat down right next to her. Right now it seemed like he had no choice. To Rose this was a serious thing. She only shouted at him and kept on asking, when she found something important. She did it on platform 1 on the day the earth died, when she wanted to know who he was. And now she did it again. He had to admit, he was glad she didn´t force him to take her home. That would be the end of his world.

"Rose. My precious Rose. You are not special in general, but special to me", he said, not looking at her. His cheeks blushed a little. She had never seen this before. Even after running a distance that felt like a marathon he never had shown any sign of blood rushing through his cheeks.

But that wasn´t enough. Rose wanted more. "In what way? In what way am I special to you?"

Another sigh and now the Doctor took her hand. That was something he did everyday, but it felt like the first time to both of them. "Let me take you to Barcelona. Please!", he almost begged. "I can´t … not just now. Give me a little time."

All he earned was a nod.


	3. Chapter 3

After having a wonderful day in the hot sun of Barcelona, Rose sat down in the whirlpool and waited for the Doctor who promised to get something to drink. She noticed that she never saw him in swimming trunks and that this was now about to change. Well, she HAD seen him in his underwear, when she pulled the last Doctor´s cloth off of him and the pyjama on, but he didn´t know that. It was better than letting Jackie or Mickey undress the Doctor, wasn´t it?

And there he was- carrying a tray with a few drinks on it. Enough to sit in the pool for hours without getting thirsty. He looked even a bit skinnier than the last time, but what did she expect? They hadn´t always found the time to eat while they had to run away from werewolves, clocks and cybermen - and he didn´t like the fries at school.

He gave her one of this smiles, when you feel like the world stopped turning and the sun would shine just for you - and she felt the last rest of anger melt, looking at him. After giving her one drink, he put down the tray and climbed into the whirlpool, sitting down, facing her.

There they sat, both smiling, both feeling a little uncomfortable, both just in swimsuit.

"So", she started, not knowing what to say. He nodded and replied: "Yeah, so." Then he grinned widely. "What a great conversation. So many words - and it makes so much sense." While laughing they both relaxed a bit.

"Let´s get to the point", the Doctor sighed a few moments later. "The truth is, that I don´t want to loose you - ever. But I try, not to think about the day I have to. And I try, not to think about the fact, I have to see you age, way to soon. And I - Oh , look, this little bird over there…"

Rose made some frustrated noise. She loved it, when the Doctor couldn´t focus on important things, as long as it annoyed enemies, but now she wanted him to focus on her. "Doctor", she tried to get back his attention.

"What", he asked, confused, and it took him some time to find his way back into this situation. "Oh! Right! So, where was I? Oh, at the important point. I need you, Rose Tyler. You made me better. I was all anger, desperation and loneliness, just before we first met. And then you came. With you, travelling is so much more fun. I am happy, at least most of the time. I´ve found a new reason to fight. A new reason to try to change the world - or worlds - into a better place - or places."

His chocolate-brown eyes rested on her. Not really staring, but watching her. Softly, but full of warm fire at the same time. "I need you, Rose", he repeated and seemed to expect some kind of answer. "As a friend", Rose replied calmly, not really asking, but just taking it as a fact.

And again there was some kind of fear in the Doctor´s eyes. He swallowed, sighed and then answered. "No." A little shocked he added: "Well, yes! Of course as a friend, but not ONLY as a friend."

He moved closer with every word he spoke. And finally he almost hugged her, but just almost. His skin on hers, shoulder on shoulder. It would have been easier to be standing and hugging, but here he could not come close enough without sitting on her lap. Se he had to accept just sitting next to her, touching her only at a few points.

Facing her, one hand caressing her chin, he smiled at her. "Rose Tyler, I love you", he said and sounded rather festive. "You´re special to me, because I fell in love with you. And I don´t want to loose you - ever -, because I want to spend my life with you for as long as possible."

The Timelord looked rather shocked when he saw tears running down her cheeks. Some of them dropped down on his hand and wrist. "Rose?", he asked worried. "Is everything alright? Please don´t ask me to take you home. It´s okay, if you … if you don´t love me. And … if …you don´t want to forget, what just happened …. I mean, I could take the memories of today. I can wipe them, if you want. And …"

He could´t go on, because there was a finger pressed on his lips. Then the finger was replaced by her lips. It was just a shy kiss, but it promised much more. "I love you, too", Rose answered. She smiled, even though she was crying. "Don´t you know that humans can cry, when they´re happy, too?", she laughed. "But your face was… it was brilliant. The look on your face!" She had to stop for a few seconds, because she had a real laughing fit.

"You don´t need to fear that I´m leaving", the blonde continued after stopping laughing. "I made my choice a long time ago and I will never leave you." She was tempted to say, that even death could not take her away from him, but that would have sounded to naïve and to unrealistic.

Her Timelord smiled and pulled Rose onto his lap so he could finally hug - and kiss - her properly.


	4. Chapter 4

A few hours later the Doctor carried Rose into her bedroom. She could have walked, but who would not want to be carried by someone that beautiful? When he laid her down, she pulled him towards her and kissed him, longing, but he pulled away, when she tried to fumble at his swimming trunks.

"Rose", he murmured and sounded apologetically. "I can´t. I just …can´t."

"Too early?", she asked, but he shoke his head. "What is it, then?" Now she was worried. Did he really mean that he COULDN´T? Like he did not have the right parts?

"To Timelords there are two things, we can´t do so easily", he tried to explain, now sitting down on the edge of the bed. " We can´t sleep with anyone, just because we love them and we can´t tell our names, our real names to …well, outsiders, kind of.

"So … we …can´t …ever?!" Rose bit on her lips, so she didn´t show her disappointment.

"We can." Now Rose thought, she would not understand anything anymore. "But I have to marry you first. It´s a bond of trust and love for a lifetime. We just can … well … sleep with each other, when we are in … a relationship, based on this trust. I can´t explain it, it´s just this Timelord thing."

"So?", Rose asked, shrugging.

"We can´t have sex until we´re married."

"So?"

"So I can´t sleep with you. Not today, not tomorrow. It´s not like I don´t want to. I just can´t."

Rose smiled. "Why not?"

"Because I have -" "Because you have to marry first. Me, I assume. So what?" He didn´t understand her and Rose enjoyed that. Such a clever 'boy' and he didn´t get it. "So, why can´t we marry? We´re living together. We have been living together for more than a year, now. We´re best friends, and we both don´t want to leave each other. So the only thing that would change is that we could have sex - and that mum wouldn´t kill me when I tell her, we´re a couple. We are a couple, aren´t we?´" Now she felt like she assumed something that could not be true.

"Of course we are", the Doctor almost shouted, then shrugged. "Well, only if you want."

Rose burst out into laughter. "I just asked you to marry me", she told him, still waiting for an answer to her proposal.

"Oh. Yeah, I almost forgot. So .. There is no romantic atmosphere, no flowers, no ring ans no man who begs HER to marry HIM? Seems like I can´t do anything the usual way."

Was that a yes? Rose watched him, waiting for any sign she could get, to know what to do now.

"So, what are we waiting for? Let´s get to the cupboard and find a nice dress for you", the Doctor smiled and then jumped off of the bed.

"You can´t. You´re not allowed to see the bride dressed up before marrying her - well, me", she laughed and went out of the room to get dressed.

A few minutes later they both stood in front of a priest and promised each other undying love.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Sigma", the Doctor said, after carrying her home again, this time straight to his own bed. "Sigma?", she asked confused.

"Yeah, Sigma. You are Mrs. Theta Sigma now. Or am I just Theta Tyler? Sounds better, but I´m not sure, whether I can change my name that easily and …"

She kissed him and pulled him down, towards herself, finally getting rid of his cloths so they could make love for the rest of their lives. Or at least the part they didn´t spend sleeping, eating or saving the world.


End file.
